Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
