If that was your dad, he is hot
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
