My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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