'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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