i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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