Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
