You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
