i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want a musical about memes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
