drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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