just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
