I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i think my cat just said my name.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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