I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
