I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
