I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
