do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
