shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize