This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
