What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
