k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
