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Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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