fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he's gonorrhea incarnate
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.