We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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