In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
