So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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