you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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