I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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