proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
