dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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