I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
