Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
