you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
