six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
