Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize