On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
