Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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