fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
