you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
