Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
