Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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