he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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