Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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