just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
