there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
