No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
