The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
