"it" just moved
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
