so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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