Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
