if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
