the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
