i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
