Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
