Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
