I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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