Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
