she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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