so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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