That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
