I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
