Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize