he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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