I skipped work to stalk him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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