Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
